so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
