I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
