I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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