similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
