Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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