I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nicole vs. Life
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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