Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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