i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I lost the right to judge tonight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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