Betty ford says i'm here all night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
