You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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