My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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