Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
