I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
