did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were trust falling into bushes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
