i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize