4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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