ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
