Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
