Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Be still, my beating vagina.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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