You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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