you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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