my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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