i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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