if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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