Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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