Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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