There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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