Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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