oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
