If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
