Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
