It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You're like the curious george of whores
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
