she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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