I just cut my nipple shaving
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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