I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
