yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
