Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it's like iHOP with fire
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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