my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize