Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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