cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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