im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
