We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cockslap morals
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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