did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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