i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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