Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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