I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
