Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
