Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
