dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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