You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize