we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
