I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
