My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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