wrigley field is MILF paradise
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
