I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I faked an abortion last night.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
