"it" just moved
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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