He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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