i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
