She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can I color on your dick again?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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