Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
