The maid of honor just puked.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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