I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
